new pics 4 months post op

4 months post-op

i am a bad bad blogger... i havent been on in forever!! i apologize.... i am down about 64 pounds.. the weight has been weird the past 2 weeks.. i went up 1 lb. then down 3 then up 2. and now im back down... im not really sure why!! i have been doing ZUMBA DVD's at home.. i really really like that!! its a great workout! i am very happy that i can now where tank tops..even though my arms are just so flabby.. and sundresses are my fav! i go to the beach at least 1x a week and sit in my bathing suit without covering myself up!! i am tanner than ive been in a very long time!! and i even went out the other night with a tank and jeans on! i went to the dr's 2 weeks ago.. my cholestrol is still not great.. not terrible. but not great. unfortunately, its probably just genetics.. my sugars were great and blood pressure 118/82.. perfect!! my dr hasnt seen me since before the surgery.. he was SO happy!! it was great.. since hes the 1 who encouraged me to do this.. im still finding new bones and muscles i didnt know were there.. LOL my hair is STILL falling out, but my vitamin levels were all great at the dr's.. so its probably still due to the anesthesia.. UGH! life is really really good!! =)

pics

catching up

im BAAAAAACK!
i know, ive been a bad bad blogger. i try everyday to get on here and write and i never have more than a minute at a clip BY MYSELF with the computer.
so i am taking advantage of my current insomnia, to catch up alittle.

i am currently a week short of 3 months post op. i have lost 55 pounds so far.
i feel GREAT.

i am still on my excersise bike daily. i have gone hiking twice since the surgery. once just a small hike. the other an AMAZING, exhilirating hike to the top of a waterfall. SO much fun and i am so proud of myself. not only was it my idea, but what i once would have been pissed off at anyone suggesting i try, i couldnt wait..to not only TRY but to SUCCEED at!!

another life altering change.. i wear dresses. LOL
i have actually bought 2 cute summer dresses in the past week. i love the way they look, i feel so comfortable!!! and....they came from the NORMAL sizes department of target. NOT plus size!! they are both a XL from the juniors dept. yay!!!!

i recently started working and theres a few things that have changed. and even one of my customers that i havent seen in a year noticed... i move quicker. easier... when im doing a pedi and leaning foward, i can breathe normal. im not sluggish. i dont just sit at my desk in my downtime, i get up and walk around..sweep, clean etc! and i look fwd to being busy, when there was a time id just bitch and moan, sweat and complain..
=)

as for eating...same ole same ole. some things i just will never be able to eat. i dont do bread. ever.
or pizza, nothing thats layered..LOL..like a sandwich.

i snack on fruit, cheese, nuts, wheat crackers, cream cheese..
smoothies with whey protein for meals. i can eat a small amt of steak. SOMETIMES alil chicken. no ground meat.
pasta in a very small amt, im talkin a tablespoon full. if that!!

life has definetly changed.. so much for the better.
my hair is still falling out =( i fear a wig is in my future... so ive been really conscious of taking my vitamins and b12 everyday.

still not looking fwd to a bathing suit BUT im only a 1/4 of the way id like to be. so theres so much MORE to look fwd to!!
its like christmas morning every single day!

Breaking up is hard to do....

its been 5 weeks since my surgery... and along with learning how to eat again the right way, i have also done alot of soul searching and self analyzing.
I've learned alot about myself in the process.. I've learned that i am not an emotional eater. when I'm scared, nervous or anxious..i cant touch food. when I'm sad, i am not a binge eater.
I definitely equate food with one feeling and that's happiness. not that i over eat or indulge when I'm happy.. but i love to cook and i love to make my family, my friends, happy.
so i cook things that i know everyone loves. i bake, i fry, i make dishes that are delicious and make my family HAPPY. and because it tastes good, i eat. or...i ATE. i simply love the TASTES of food. i don't turn to food as an emotional crutch.. i just enjoy having 8 people around my dining room table, laughing and eating and talking and eating....
So, as I've been recovering and trying to eat little bits, I've found that the hardest thing I've had to tackle is the fact that i still want to TASTE the delicious food. and at first when nothing would go down and everything got stuck, i was getting a little depressed and sad that i couldn't have the same food that everyone else was enjoying. that I was COOKING...
Now that some time has passed and i am able to tolerate a'lil more, I've realized that i CAN taste things but in moderation. if i have 3 bites of a delicious goat cheese and baby spinach salad and I'm full, that when i serve dessert, i can have ONE BITE of peach pie. and that's all i want. i have no desire for more.. i do not feel deprived but i don't want to over indulge either.
I have, in a sense, ended my lifelong relationship with food. it wasn't entirely an unhappy one, but most certainly an un-HEALTHY one. and I've moved on.. to bigger & better. more energy, no pills, less sweat, and best of all....more HAPPINESS than any chocolate chip cookie could ever give me!

42 POUNDS AS OF THIS MORNING!!!

excercise

i never thought i would hear this come out of my mouth... but i actually like to exercise...

if i dont go walking.. then i am on the stationary bike..
and if i miss a day, i actually WANT to get on the next day..

its so strange how much more energy i have! and.. how good i feel afterwards..

MJ is picking up my mini-trampoline tonight..i am SO excited to try that out!!!

38 pounds as of this morning!!!

35 pounds!!!!!!!

Went shopping at this great store called label shopper.. its in Amenia. and they have all these brand names for so cheap!!
Its all overstock from the stores...
I needed a few shirts and i don't want to spend alot, since i'm losing weight and changing sizes so quickly.
So if i can get a Daisy Fuentes or Aeropostale or American Eagle shirt that was originally $34 and is marked down to $4.99...u got a deal!!!!

=)

captain crunch vs. crunchy vanilla sunrise

TASTE TEST!!!!

i bought myself a box of gluten free, organic, cereal.
i bought the rest of this house their cereal of choice..captain crunch.

i pour myself a bowl of healthy and pour mia a bowl of unhealthy.. she wouldn't eat it. she preferred mine...
so i decided to do a taste test. brittany tastes both cereals blindfolded... she picks healthy!! she tells me it tastes like cookies.. =)
then the true taste test.. my husband. the KING of unhealthy! one guess what he picked.... oh yeah! HEALTHY!!!!!! he wasn't happy about it....but he liked it!! Mikey liked it!!! =)

now i have to hide my box of cereal!!!


34 POUNDS AS OF THIS MORNING...

2 sizes smaller & normal BP

i am in jeans 2 sizes smaller than 2 weeks ago!! yay!

and the BEST part is...on NO blood pressure meds, my BP was 123/65
amazing!!!!


as of this morning i am down 31 pounds!!!

went out to "lunch" with sue and the girls yesterday. i had about 5 bites of coleslaw.. i originally ordered chili but because it was too spicy i couldnt eat it without drinking.. and im not allowed to drink and eat at the same time... so.. i gave the chili to the girls.

funny how coleslaw and a few sweet potato fries filled me up!! i felt like i ate a 5 course meal. LOL

went for a 40 min walk today with the girls.. =)

and my brother and marissa got engaged last night!! so happy for them and i cannot wait to buy a dress for their wedding!!

we are moved!!

haven't updated in a few days.. we moved and i had no wireless connection!!!
but we are back on...
the move went great! the men did most of the heavy lifting and the women did the rest!!! my friends and family are absolutely amazing and totally stepped up to help me out!!
i love our new home!!! =)

i went to the Dr yesterday for my 2 week appt. post op. I've lost 26 pounds.. yay!!
I've started eating a few more things.... crab salad, poached chicken salad, sweet potatoes, sashimi, apples, gluten free granola, and my staples of cottage cheese and of course yogurt!!!! =)

my one incision is still tender and by the end of the day it definitely hurts but I'm getting better everyday.
the physicians asst. i saw yesterday said its because i have more scar tissue in that spot.. so it will hurt the most and the longest..

i find if i keep myself busy, i don't want to eat at all. i definitely know when i should eat.. i don't get hunger pains but its a weird sort of empty feeling...? i don't know how to explain it...
i find i sort of graze throughout the day.. a few bites here and there.. and of course getting all my water down helps!

I'm loving the way my clothes are falling off of me! i know i have a long way to go but its nice walking past the mirror and not cringing at the sight of myself.

i am waiting for Mia to wake from a nap and the girls and i are going for a nice long walk... its beautiful outside!!

puker

it happened. i puked....
some people (like my husband) can puke..with ease. he just leans over, lets it out and hes fine. not me. im not a "good" puker.
i tense up, i cry after..its a mess.
i tried to eat a few bites of ricotta cheese. ive had it before, but this time it wasn't sitting right. it was very interesting. (if puke can actually BE interesting) it was weird how what came up was exactly what went down..like it didnt go very far and theres was NOTHING else but the ricotta.
this has seriously gotta be the grossest blog ever written.. LOL

rainy day blues...

rain rain go away!!!! its a yucky day today and my mood seems to fit... i have the blues.. probably the hormonal changes going on due to rapid weight loss. idk. but it sucks.

todays the first day that im home with mia alone. mj and my mom went to work and lori had to work too.. so its all me.

shes so active!!!
i cant keep up with her but im doin the best i can. right now shes playing with the dog!! thank god for molly...

its mj and my anniversary today. =) we arent doing anything.. i told him we could go out to dinner but id have to watch him eat. no thanks!!!! LOL

im still sore and bruised.. my hair is falling out a bit too. =( last night was my last with the lovenox (blood thinner) shot. so thats one less bruise!!
mias playing not so nice with molly now.. gotta go!! mollys losin hair by the CLUMPS now too!!!!! aaahhh!

liverwurst

talked with my nutritionist this morning and she said i can get the multi vitamins in a capsule form. and i think i found one that matches with the one im trying to chew.. im sooooooo excited about that!!!

yesterday i went to the store and bought liverwurst..i know. most of you will say--ewwww...
but i love it!! and i was super excited to see it on my "approved food list"
it was interesting going down..but it went. and i felt ok after it. and it satisfied. of course after 2 pieces i was stuffed!!
plus its a great source of protein. double bonus!!

i still have one incision thats really sore. the rest feel healed. but one hurts so much. i cant bend over, sneeze, cough, laugh too hard, without pain..

my friend lori took mia today because its still too much for me to run after her.
my mom and mj had to work today.. and brittanys at school. so lori took her for some of the day. i love her!!

6 grapes and multi vitamins

last night i chewed up and spit out 6 green seedless grapes. they were delicious.
on a not so delicious note... chewable multi-vitamins. YUCK..double YUCK.
i absolutely cannot chew them. i gag the whole time. i tried breaking it into little pieces and swallowing it..they went down my throat fine..but then there was a back up to my stomach..
and today i mashed it up, mixed it with yogurt and tried to get it down that way. it was definetly not a success. on the last swallow i started praying "please stay down, please stay down."
it did...thankfully. but ive gotta try something else.

im also battling alittle cold. ive got a drip, which is causing a cough. i cant cough without feeling like im busting a stitch, UGH!

today is easter, the easter bunny came, so im heading outside soon to blow bubbles with mia and take some pics..
=)
oh...and 20 pounds

love the scale!!!

i was told not to get on the scale for at least a week..but how could i resist??
i was sooooooo happy i gave in to temptation!!
18 pounds!!! in one week!!
im lovin it!
im on my way..... to a healthier lifestyle. to no more pills and less doctors visits and regular size clothes!! to more energy and self esteem!!
im on my way..to the new me!!
now its time to take a walk!
bye!!

licking the macaroni

i guess i hit my low.
my friend caren licked a chicken leg, for my friend robin it was a dorito, and for me, it was a velveeta saturated macaroni shell.
yup..popped that bad boy into my mouth,sucked that cheese right off, and spit the mac back out.
and boy was it YUMMY.

for dinner, besides my protein shake, i had sauce (red gravy), and a spoonful of smooth ricotta.
i just imagined there was macaroni and meatballs in there!!
hey...whatever gets me through these next few weeks..

as for wanting crunch..sugar free popsicles do the trick!!!

1st night and 2nd day home

so i came home to my parents house.. my moms off all week. so shes playin nurse (her fav. thing to do<----- note the sarcasm)
but shes awesome. i wish she took care of me at WMC.
i am still really sore.. but i woke up, had my 3 ozs of protein shake, alil yogurt and went out for a 20 min walk.
it takes me about 40 mins to get 3 ozs down. and then it feels like a pipe that needs draino. gurgle... gurgle... blub.. blub...
and its down.
the contracting has subsided alot. the sore incision is still painful. but i imagine that takes time.
ive cried for no reason one time. ive felt frustrated about 72,304 times today.
im not hungry. i dont actually want to swallow food. but i want to TASTE. i want to have somthing crunchy. i want something yummy. not a protein shake. not yogurt or jello or pudding.
its an interesting, frustrating and overwhelming feeling.

hospital..day3

going home today!!!! yipeeee!
been up and walking alot. if i walk, theres less pain and quicker healing. so my fat butt is UP and walking!!
also.. im at a higher risk for blood clots because of my 'mthfr' gene.. so the more i walk, the better off i am!!
i have to say, i have an amazing surgeon, team of doctors, anesthesiologist, and nutritionists. but westchester can bite my big ole butt! it SUCKS.
once your in your room and in the nurses care, your in hell. and dirty hell. its so nasty!!!!!
bye bye WMC..!!!!

hospital..day2

been woken up every 2 hrs all night.. ugh.
im sore, i hurt so bad. theres one incision that hurts more than the others. i was explained that it was because that was the site that my stomach was removed from. so there was more tugging and pulling and more stitches. i also have alot of contracting.. because my stomach was suspended by air during surgery and also bc i now have only a small pouch instead of a big stomach, it was normal for everything to contract and settle back to wear it needs to be.

had a few emotional moments today.

i was being brought down to my swallow study(where i have to drink a contrast & then i get xrayed to make sure theres no leaks in my pouch..i passed) and we are wheeling past the room where the xray techs are talking and 1 of them says LOUDLY.. "ya..well, i have two 300 pounders comin in! !!!"
i felt like sitting my fat ass right on top of her until she could no longer breathe..forget speak.
but..im at their mercy..what a helpless feeling.

next thing...
i was told not to "eat" until i ring my nurse (eric.. a 30 something, not bad looking but totally incompetent nurse) so i ring him, and i hear all the techs from the hall making fun of me. "oooh errrriccc, she liiikes youuu, ohhhh errriccc your crush is ringinnnnggg..ooohhh errriiiiccccc go tooo herrrr errricccc"
seriously??? WTF?!
he comes in (with attitude) i tell him i was told to ring him before i eat. he says "why? you dont know how to eat?"
now thats funny..i didnt become a fat ass not knowing how to eat...dumb incompetent eric!!
what i needed help with..was..i was presented with three 3oz cups and cups of lemonade, broth, and jello.
i wasnt sure if i should try one before the other, all three..none..?? being hes the NURSE on the bariatric wing, i THOUGHT he might know. SILLY ME....

hospital..surgery day!!

monday march 29th 2010

hospital at 6:30 am for a 9am procedure...
was feeling scared.. mj came with me. he was joking and being cute, trying to distract me..it kinda worked.
i woke up and had a nurse swabbing the inside of my mouth bc i wasnt allowed to swallow anything until tuesday.. i had oxygen bc my levels dipped too low during surgery. i was really out of it..and sore.
mj comes to see me with my mom and the 1st thing he does is show me a picture my dr. gave him of my insides.. being the GUY that he is, he thought it was the greatest thing ever. at that moment, i wasnt all that interested.
they transferred me to my room and i started hitting the morphine button. i dont remember much more of that day..i slept alot. i hit the morphine button alot and i moaned alot.