its been 5 weeks since my surgery... and along with learning how to eat again the right way, i have also done alot of soul searching and self analyzing.
I've learned alot about myself in the process.. I've learned that i am not an emotional eater. when I'm scared, nervous or anxious..i cant touch food. when I'm sad, i am not a binge eater.
I definitely equate food with one feeling and that's happiness. not that i over eat or indulge when I'm happy.. but i love to cook and i love to make my family, my friends, happy.
so i cook things that i know everyone loves. i bake, i fry, i make dishes that are delicious and make my family HAPPY. and because it tastes good, i eat. or...i ATE. i simply love the TASTES of food. i don't turn to food as an emotional crutch.. i just enjoy having 8 people around my dining room table, laughing and eating and talking and eating....
So, as I've been recovering and trying to eat little bits, I've found that the hardest thing I've had to tackle is the fact that i still want to TASTE the delicious food. and at first when nothing would go down and everything got stuck, i was getting a little depressed and sad that i couldn't have the same food that everyone else was enjoying. that I was COOKING...
Now that some time has passed and i am able to tolerate a'lil more, I've realized that i CAN taste things but in moderation. if i have 3 bites of a delicious goat cheese and baby spinach salad and I'm full, that when i serve dessert, i can have ONE BITE of peach pie. and that's all i want. i have no desire for more.. i do not feel deprived but i don't want to over indulge either.
I have, in a sense, ended my lifelong relationship with food. it wasn't entirely an unhappy one, but most certainly an un-HEALTHY one. and I've moved on.. to bigger & better. more energy, no pills, less sweat, and best of all....more HAPPINESS than any chocolate chip cookie could ever give me!
42 POUNDS AS OF THIS MORNING!!!
