its been 5 weeks since my surgery... and along with learning how to eat again the right way, i have also done alot of soul searching and self analyzing.
I've learned alot about myself in the process.. I've learned that i am not an emotional eater. when I'm scared, nervous or anxious..i cant touch food. when I'm sad, i am not a binge eater.
I definitely equate food with one feeling and that's happiness. not that i over eat or indulge when I'm happy.. but i love to cook and i love to make my family, my friends, happy.
so i cook things that i know everyone loves. i bake, i fry, i make dishes that are delicious and make my family HAPPY. and because it tastes good, i eat. or...i ATE. i simply love the TASTES of food. i don't turn to food as an emotional crutch.. i just enjoy having 8 people around my dining room table, laughing and eating and talking and eating....
So, as I've been recovering and trying to eat little bits, I've found that the hardest thing I've had to tackle is the fact that i still want to TASTE the delicious food. and at first when nothing would go down and everything got stuck, i was getting a little depressed and sad that i couldn't have the same food that everyone else was enjoying. that I was COOKING...
Now that some time has passed and i am able to tolerate a'lil more, I've realized that i CAN taste things but in moderation. if i have 3 bites of a delicious goat cheese and baby spinach salad and I'm full, that when i serve dessert, i can have ONE BITE of peach pie. and that's all i want. i have no desire for more.. i do not feel deprived but i don't want to over indulge either.
I have, in a sense, ended my lifelong relationship with food. it wasn't entirely an unhappy one, but most certainly an un-HEALTHY one. and I've moved on.. to bigger & better. more energy, no pills, less sweat, and best of all....more HAPPINESS than any chocolate chip cookie could ever give me!
42 POUNDS AS OF THIS MORNING!!!
i never thought i would hear this come out of my mouth... but i actually like to exercise...
if i dont go walking.. then i am on the stationary bike..
and if i miss a day, i actually WANT to get on the next day..
its so strange how much more energy i have! and.. how good i feel afterwards..
MJ is picking up my mini-trampoline tonight..i am SO excited to try that out!!!
38 pounds as of this morning!!!
35 pounds!!!!!!!
Went shopping at this great store called label shopper.. its in Amenia. and they have all these brand names for so cheap!!
Its all overstock from the stores...
I needed a few shirts and i don't want to spend alot, since i'm losing weight and changing sizes so quickly.
So if i can get a Daisy Fuentes or Aeropostale or American Eagle shirt that was originally $34 and is marked down to $4.99...u got a deal!!!!
=)
TASTE TEST!!!!
i bought myself a box of gluten free, organic, cereal.
i bought the rest of this house their cereal of choice..captain crunch.
i pour myself a bowl of healthy and pour mia a bowl of unhealthy.. she wouldn't eat it. she preferred mine...
so i decided to do a taste test. brittany tastes both cereals blindfolded... she picks healthy!! she tells me it tastes like cookies.. =)
then the true taste test.. my husband. the KING of unhealthy! one guess what he picked.... oh yeah! HEALTHY!!!!!! he wasn't happy about it....but he liked it!! Mikey liked it!!! =)
now i have to hide my box of cereal!!!
34 POUNDS AS OF THIS MORNING...
i am in jeans 2 sizes smaller than 2 weeks ago!! yay!
and the BEST part is...on NO blood pressure meds, my BP was 123/65
amazing!!!!
as of this morning i am down 31 pounds!!!
went out to "lunch" with sue and the girls yesterday. i had about 5 bites of coleslaw.. i originally ordered chili but because it was too spicy i couldnt eat it without drinking.. and im not allowed to drink and eat at the same time... so.. i gave the chili to the girls.
funny how coleslaw and a few sweet potato fries filled me up!! i felt like i ate a 5 course meal. LOL
went for a 40 min walk today with the girls.. =)
and my brother and marissa got engaged last night!! so happy for them and i cannot wait to buy a dress for their wedding!!
haven't updated in a few days.. we moved and i had no wireless connection!!!
but we are back on...
the move went great! the men did most of the heavy lifting and the women did the rest!!! my friends and family are absolutely amazing and totally stepped up to help me out!!
i love our new home!!! =)
i went to the Dr yesterday for my 2 week appt. post op. I've lost 26 pounds.. yay!!
I've started eating a few more things.... crab salad, poached chicken salad, sweet potatoes, sashimi, apples, gluten free granola, and my staples of cottage cheese and of course yogurt!!!! =)
my one incision is still tender and by the end of the day it definitely hurts but I'm getting better everyday.
the physicians asst. i saw yesterday said its because i have more scar tissue in that spot.. so it will hurt the most and the longest..
i find if i keep myself busy, i don't want to eat at all. i definitely know when i should eat.. i don't get hunger pains but its a weird sort of empty feeling...? i don't know how to explain it...
i find i sort of graze throughout the day.. a few bites here and there.. and of course getting all my water down helps!
I'm loving the way my clothes are falling off of me! i know i have a long way to go but its nice walking past the mirror and not cringing at the sight of myself.
i am waiting for Mia to wake from a nap and the girls and i are going for a nice long walk... its beautiful outside!!
it happened. i puked....
some people (like my husband) can puke..with ease. he just leans over, lets it out and hes fine. not me. im not a "good" puker.
i tense up, i cry after..its a mess.
i tried to eat a few bites of ricotta cheese. ive had it before, but this time it wasn't sitting right. it was very interesting. (if puke can actually BE interesting) it was weird how what came up was exactly what went down..like it didnt go very far and theres was NOTHING else but the ricotta.
this has seriously gotta be the grossest blog ever written.. LOL
rain rain go away!!!! its a yucky day today and my mood seems to fit... i have the blues.. probably the hormonal changes going on due to rapid weight loss. idk. but it sucks.
todays the first day that im home with mia alone. mj and my mom went to work and lori had to work too.. so its all me.
shes so active!!!
i cant keep up with her but im doin the best i can. right now shes playing with the dog!! thank god for molly...
its mj and my anniversary today. =) we arent doing anything.. i told him we could go out to dinner but id have to watch him eat. no thanks!!!! LOL
im still sore and bruised.. my hair is falling out a bit too. =( last night was my last with the lovenox (blood thinner) shot. so thats one less bruise!!
mias playing not so nice with molly now.. gotta go!! mollys losin hair by the CLUMPS now too!!!!! aaahhh!
talked with my nutritionist this morning and she said i can get the multi vitamins in a capsule form. and i think i found one that matches with the one im trying to chew.. im sooooooo excited about that!!!
yesterday i went to the store and bought liverwurst..i know. most of you will say--ewwww...
but i love it!! and i was super excited to see it on my "approved food list"
it was interesting going down..but it went. and i felt ok after it. and it satisfied. of course after 2 pieces i was stuffed!!
plus its a great source of protein. double bonus!!
i still have one incision thats really sore. the rest feel healed. but one hurts so much. i cant bend over, sneeze, cough, laugh too hard, without pain..
my friend lori took mia today because its still too much for me to run after her.
my mom and mj had to work today.. and brittanys at school. so lori took her for some of the day. i love her!!
last night i chewed up and spit out 6 green seedless grapes. they were delicious.
on a not so delicious note... chewable multi-vitamins. YUCK..double YUCK.
i absolutely cannot chew them. i gag the whole time. i tried breaking it into little pieces and swallowing it..they went down my throat fine..but then there was a back up to my stomach..
and today i mashed it up, mixed it with yogurt and tried to get it down that way. it was definetly not a success. on the last swallow i started praying "please stay down, please stay down."
it did...thankfully. but ive gotta try something else.
im also battling alittle cold. ive got a drip, which is causing a cough. i cant cough without feeling like im busting a stitch, UGH!
today is easter, the easter bunny came, so im heading outside soon to blow bubbles with mia and take some pics..
=)
oh...and 20 pounds
